6 Examples of Crazy Things in This World
IT'S A CRAZY WORLD WE LIVE IN!
With apologies to Adam Lambert for his taking an obscure song first done by
Tears for Fears and making it a genius anthem for the condition of us, us being
the citizens of Earth. OK, where to start, here
are 6 crazy examples of things we do in this world:
1) Gas Price
at a Crazy .009
 $0.009 ... That's a small amount of money: almost a penny, one cent. If you
add $0.001 you'll achieve that one cent. And most of us on the planet see that
missing $0.001 a hundred times a day. Lit high up on the advertising poles at
each and every gas station we pass by. And more to the crazy madness is that it is at
EACH and EVERY gas station regardless of which oil company is owner or supplier
of an independent location. Want to know why?
In the early 20th century circa 1920 no one would ever accept or react kindly
to double digit gasoline prices. That is 10 cents. Horrendous. Imagine the
shock. So gasoline stayed at $0.099 for years. Percentage is the demon in play.
$0.009 was 10% of $.09 in the gasoline pricing introduction days. To outsmart a
competitor oil executives would not increase the price a full penny. Who would
buy from a 10 cent supplier when they could get it for 9 cents elsewhere? The
public were duped. The .009 addition was quite small and unnoticeable on
advertising and outdoor signs. People thought 9 cents. It's even too much
talking to speak the actual cost. To this day it is still small on those same
poles but everyone is beyond caring, it's just an accepted fact. But what is
ignored is that at $3.749 a gallon, the .009 is a mere .0024% of the price. 50
years from now gasoline will cost $108.499 a gallon. What idiot would go to the
gas station across the street who had the guts and inner strength and
inspiration to sell the same gallon for $108.50? From 10% to .0024% to .000082%.
Who will stop the MADNESS? And help the sign makers work. Exxon Mobile can you
hear me? I'll email Chevron.
MORE CRAZINESS..
2)
Andrew Zimmern and Cat Food
With apologies to Andrew Zimmern I want him to eat cat food.
 It's
called food and they imply it's made for cats. Hundreds of flavors, dozens of
manufacturers. I can't call Purina, Whiskas, and all the others in the business;
chefs, producers or any other culinary name because they make this stuff. And
that's a manufacturer. Trouble is cats won't eat it. Or if you're lucky enough
to find one they will eat the next time you buy it they will meow in complaint.
I notice at 80 cents a can (3 oz.) or even 45 cents the label says "with tuna"
or "with chicken". I can buy a can of actual real tuna (5.5 oz.) for $1.40 and
add sawdust, plain dust, crickets or whatever crazy substance they use and have better luck.
So the problem here must be taste. Hundreds of flavors to see with all kind
of names on the outside of the can, but don't you want to know what the inside
stuff tastes like? A job for Andrew Zimmern. He'll eat anything. The world will
pay him handsomely to tell us the top 10 best tasting cat foods. The payback
return to myself alone would be enough to pay a cat burglar while my wife's not
looking.
3) CHRISTIANS
With apologies to God for just about everything else
in this world.
 Christians; they're an odd lot. I'm one. But I don't know what kind. Went to
Catholic school and even figured out eating the Body of Christ. Ok, I'll explain
the mysterious answer. Matter is made of atoms with spinning electrons moving
with energy at the speed of light. Energy, spinning, moving at high speed??
Getting closer to a God-like situation. A rock sitting for a billon years has
all this activity going on inside it. Really? Every school kid learns that.
Yeah, it's matter and it's got those atoms and electrons spinning and moving
with all that energy. A rock with things moving inside it with fantastic energy.
God's got something to do with matter and energy. Well you can take the other
side of the argument and say the rock evolved from a primordial pool of sludge.
Or the rock's energy continues on from an unexplained big bang. Well that's a
tangent but yet another madness. The Body of Christ is a wafer made of matter
and energy but made of God when the priest consecrates it, which is nothing more
than that person reminding us that God is that matter's energy and if you think
deeply enough, it's spirit. Yeah, I said it, that's my story and I'm sticking to
it.
That was a tangent. Christians; they're an odd lot. There's Methodists,
Evangelics, maybe Mormons, maybe Jehovah Witnesses, probably Amish, Oh, I forgot
maybe Catholics (if the Pope isn't the antichrist) and a slew of others. By
others I mean every Christian there is. Because no one believes precisely the
identical same beliefs. So I guess as a Christian it's easy not to know what
kind. Am I the kind that believes in instrumental music in church? I do accept
electricity so I know I'm not Amish. I celebrate Easter and Christmas so I
stopped going to the Church of Christ. I don't own magic underwear and can't
baptize my great-great grandfather so I'm not Mormon. Doctors? Yes, I go to
them. Can't be a Christian Scientist. So many people to be so many ways to
think.
George Costanza joined the Latvian Orthodox sect. He said because he liked
their hats, but we all know he did for his girlfriend. Christians are an odder
lot of people because of these reasons and more. Too much more to write the
proof in the space allotted this computer's RAM. Exactly like Fermat proved his
theorem but couldn't write it down in the space on a his ciphering page even
though it was a simple eloquent proof. After a few hundred years people are
thinking like Cosmo Kramer's thoughts about the Dewey Decimal system: What a
scam that was.
Now, not knowing what I am and going to almost any church that's convenient
on Christmas Eve and believing the Pope is a nice old man with enough dementia
to be eternally spiritual minded. I'm leaning toward that electric communion
host. And don't consider at all condoms or birth control. Ah, forget it, I just
wrote myself out of knowing what I am. I must be mad.
4) BATTERIES ARE CRAZY
Apologies to the world for Demetri Martin and Frank Costanza.
 Frank explained to his son George Costanza; "Bra sizes, you got you’re A, B,
C's and D cup, that's the biggest." Someone, sometime had to name the sizes of
batteries-another scam like the Dewey system. Batteries' names are madness. I
don't know but I would think bras were invented and named before batteries.
Somebody please Google that. Anyways a naming system should be orderly and
informative like the bra system or any system an engineer with technical
knowledge would want logical. The demon madness though can disrupt through
entropy almost human endeavor. You got your AA, AAA, C, D and now even N as
battery size names. Seems almost parallel to bra sizes but the breakdown is
obvious. Where's A. No A, but there is the AA, and the AAA. And for God's sake
(I like to use him a lot being Christian) how can AA be larger than AAA. In bras
there's D and double D which is bigger than just D. You see the problem here?
Madness.
And most mysterious; no B battery. Only Demetri Martin eased my mind when he
postulated there can be no B battery, because they would be impossible to buy.
When you asked for one, the salesman would just believe you're stuttering and
give up on you.
5) CRAZY CAR WINDOWS
My apologies to the world and Toyota.
 People own fancy convertible cars and park them in the shade on a hot summer
day. They have no fear. That's part of what it takes to drive one. But most
people own cars and the average age of them is about 10 years old in the USA. So
why do we say "roll up your window?. We know why people might just on the spur
of the moment roll down their window. Rolled is an archaic term now. Who has a
window roller handle and knob? Poor people. They're filling the Wal Mart parking
lot with their windows rolled up tight. And the sun is out and the temperature
is 90 degrees.
Let's solve the first problem here; the word "rolling." I drive a 10 year old
Mercury and plan to keep it long enough to raise the national average car age.
Even it's windows are motored up or down. But an electric motor and gears take
the place of a window rolling handle. What's the word to use? Switch up? Willed
or hoped to the top? That might be better (willed or hoped) because if the
window does not make it there that's 200 bucks of depression. I just figured it
out. I'm calling dibs on the words pression and depression for up and down,
though I don't know which is which. If it's depression for down that makes
sense. But if the window doesn't go up that's more depression so it's quite
counterintuitive with plastic sheeting and duct tape as your replacement window.
But that's not the real madness to reveal here. It's back to the Wal Mart
parking lot. There's a lot of cars each one, for some reason, with their windows
depressed up tight. Must be uptight like their drivers, because unlike the
fearless convertible drivers parked near a tree or lamppost the sun is cooking
everything inside their vehicle including sometimes their dog or young child
still seat belted in. But why? These aren't Mercedes, Lexus, or BMW automobiles.
This is Wal Mart and the cars are Toyota Corollas, Ford Focus Cars (I didn't want to write Focuses), and a smattering of 12
year old Buick Century (s ). And it's 130 degrees inside those cars. Given those
demographics I'll quote Bob Dylan "There's nothing worth stealing in here." Even
though George Costanza said "Bums urinate in there."
I'll take my chances every time for the good of the car's interior and
returning passengers and pression down all 4 windows.
6) REVERSE OSMOSIS OF THE MIND
My apologies to Albert and especially Bob and other old geniuses.
 Common opinion is that, as humans, we grow wiser with age. Wiser is an
arbitrary diagnosis. Experience is what is gained in aging. Knowledge may
increase but that is arbitrary too, unless it is knowledge that has come from
our own selves. If we create, imagine or invent of our own accord we can share
that with our fellow humans and improve the whole lot of us. Just as the Borg
grew in power and dominance as it assimilated the collective thoughts of each
new species that had previously been unknown to the Borg. Knowledge of elders is
mostly the learning of what their predecessors had known first. It can simply be
remembering someone else's experience. It's borrowed, shared or stolen of
other's wisdom. Borg style. Gangnam style. Forget that last thing, I got a
nagging earworm.
The fact is that as we grow old we grow stupider. Einstein is a clear
example. His genius work, E=MC^2, relativity, retooling Newton's laws of
gravity....etc, were all accomplished when his mind was younger than 25 years of
age. 25 years later he could not comprehend the theories and axioms of younger
physicists that were explaining to us other humans the quantum world. Einstein
arrogantly rejected their thoughts and new wisdom. I think he was a curmudgeon. Further he said God didn't play dice
with the universe. It turns out God does like dice and things could work no
other way.
Bob Dylan when he was about 25 years old pondered the human condition and
sang to us in a profound melody that "It's life and life only." 45 years later
he's given laureate praise for drooling out to us "Here comes Santa Claus."
Dan Quayle or maybe was George Bush apologized to people of South America for
not having studied his Latin enough. But they had political power. Stop the
madness so that in 100 years gasoline isn't $2343.999 a gallon. And that
batteries add the AAAA size. And that we don't require two different set of
wrenches to fix our robots with parts from both Europe and the USA. Let's get a
25 year old God fearing benevolent dictator that likes Bob Dylan and makes me
quit apologizing. I'm sorry to all the humans of this crazy world, but I'm right and
they're wrong.
Conclusion
Some of the things people do in this world can be considered crazy by many. In
the end, we are
what we are, and what happens is there for a reason. So don't sweat
over it. If you know of any crazy things about this world, please let us
know through the comment system below.
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